The 100th hundred - My tribute to ourselves (Indians)! (Humour)

Bal Thackrey had asked West Indies to either declare or get bowled out early on the fifth day, else he will not let them play in Mumbai in the future. Now Raj Thackrey has asked Sachin to respect Marathi Maanush and score his 100th century at Mumbai in the 3rd test or else they will declare his famed signature "knee flex maneuver" lewd, and will dig his garden in protest. If he indeed does, Digvijay Singh will say "I see an RSS or Shiv Sena hand in this century" and "this is their Plan D after Baba Ramdev, Anna Hazare and Shri Shri Ravishankar". Mamata will demand a roll back since Sachin denied Kolkata of the opportunity in the 2nd test. Then she will strike a deal for a compensation package where in Sachin will have to play his 200th test in Kolkata. Laloo will ask everybody to declare this century null and void to defeat the communal forces.

Narendra Modi will offer a business development subsidy of 24 runs if Sachin agrees to "set up" his century in Ahmedabad. He will market it as the "Vibrant Gujarat cricket conclave". Nitish Kumar will say that such a feat if completed in Ahmedabad will lack inclusiveness.

Advani will start a Rath Yatra to tell the people how the foundation for this milestone was laid during the NDA regime; and how UPA had stalled Sachin on 99 centuries, just like they have stalled aam aadmi's progress. Manmohan Singh will request Advani to not state the "harsh" reality, and will again go mum. A reporter from the Tabloid Originating in India (TOI) will hear MMS muttering "coalition dharma".

Owing to the dubious nature of the leg before dismissal of Sachin in Kotla test, people will demand to bring Umpires under the ambit of Lokpal. Salman Khursheed will say that umpires need not be brought under Lokpal as the government is planning to bring the "Umpiring Accountability Bill" in the next session. Rahul Gandhi will take a cheating chit out of his pocket and cram two words. He will then ask for special intervention during the presentation ceremony through Ravi Uncle (Ravi Shastri) and will declare that - Umpiring Accountability Commission should be made a "Constitutional Body".

Human rights organizations will campaign against Devendra Bishoo who got Sachin out at Delhi and denied him the right to his 100th century. Arundhati Roy will lead a protest against BCCI for not hosting tests in naxal hit Jharkhand. Sheila Dikshit will blame the curator of Kota pitch which comes under the Delhi District Cricket association headed by Arun Jaitely. Arun Jaitely will put the blame on Sharad Pawar who heads the International Cricket Council and is an alliance partner with the UPA.

Meanwhile a Pranab Mukherjee note will surface through RTI, indicting P Chidambaram of conspiring with A Raja to stop Sachin's century at Kotla to earn money from bookmakers. Congress will rope in Kapil Sibbal to diffuse the crisis, who will prove that the 100th 100 is only a "notional" milestone!

A Fairy Tale (my piece for a website on RR's win in 2008)

“Once upon a time a war was called between eight kingdoms. All the kingdoms had to build their armies with very less time at hand, an army that could stand the test put up by others with their strength and the test of time with their endurance.
One of the kingdoms which lay in a desert had all the odds against it and was counted out by all means and by all people. They were searching for a General when a senior man with golden hair volunteered. Everybody doubted him, not his abilities but because he had not entered the battle field for a long time.
The people of the kingdom silently prayed for the success of this brave man. He went about preparing his army for the battles ahead and tried to find out the special abilities of his men.
When they first went into the battlefield, they were badly wounded but the General still had faith in his men. He told them that, to conquer the opposition they first needed to conquer their own minds and have the belief that they could do it. He assigned roles to all his men. Some were told to attack while others were told to defend and still others were told to keep changing what they did and befool the army on the other side.
The men responded to their General’s call and one could clearly see the difference in the way they carried out themselves. They started winning battles. They were wounded sometimes in between but the General told them to introspect and mend their mistakes and move on.
The battles went on and after some time two armies were left. One key man in the army of the Desert Kingdom was badly wounded. He still wanted to take the battle field but the General told him to rest because they had a lot ahead of them in the future. The General told his men that they must be calm and just do what they had been doing till now and the result will be in their favor.
The men fought bravely. A trusted man of the General went on fighting and wounding several on the opposite side just when his men seemed down. He fought bravely and brought confidence back amongst his people. But just when the other army was again getting an upper hand, the General himself went ahead and gave a telling blow. Now the armies were at the same level and just before sunset one of the enduring brave soldiers gave another blow and the desert kingdom emerged victorious. The people went on celebrating throughout the night. They couldn’t stop praising and thanking their army for the glory they had brought to the kingdom. They now have adopted the General as the son of their kingdom.”
This was indeed a fairy tale ending and as the General Shane Keith Warne said, “The script couldn’t have been written any better”. Team Rajasthan Royals emerged victorious in the battle for the inaugural Indian Premier League beating Chennai Super Kings in a cliffhanger final. Smith’s absence due to a torn hamstring was a setback but Yusuf Pathan hit a half century and got some crucial wickets for the team. In fact both of these efforts came when the chips were down for the Royals. Things again seemed to be getting tough for Rajasthan but just then Shane Warne hit a four and then with one required of the last ball Sohail Tanveer kept his cool and hit the ball in the gap.
A good amount of credit is due to the team owners Emerging Media who had faith in what they were doing and without a shadow of doubt in their minds gave the reigns into the hands of Shane Warne.

National Awards are still very credible

Watched the 55th National Film Awards ceremony..
Shankar Mahadevan sang "Maa" and by the end of his performance, everyone from the President to Manna Dey to Yash Chopra to Priyadarshan to Percept's Shailendra Singh to Sonam Kapoor to the Army men on President's security were teary and eyes of some even failed to contain.. Reminds me that all of us are humans.. And when Shreya Ghosal sang "Yeh Ishq Haaye", a camera caught the President humming the song along.. Truly music transcends or I may say art transcends.... actually, what not??
After the National Awards were announced, I managed to catch a couple of the awarded movies which I had not already seen. And I realized what I would have missed had it not been for the National Awards recognizing these fantastic creations.. I am eagerly waiting for the English or Hindi versions of others..
If not for the National Awards, I would have not known that Priyadarshan who directed the three utterly funny characters in a slugfest for money in "Hera Pheri" could with even more finesse depict a silk weavers inability to buy a silk saree and his subsequent trysts with communism in "Kanchivaram".. And that Shailendra Singh and Percept who manage the big and the rich including many of our dear cricketers, also support regional cinema and produce movies like Kanchivaram..
Its great to see that the National Awards recognize good cinema and retain credibility amidst the numerous pompy showy popular cliche award functions..

Fear Factor - 'Khatron Ke Khiladi' - the Akshay version

Reality shows are the biggest hits on Indian TV these days. Four or so years back we had channels like AXN, Discovery and some others airing Hindi dubbed versions of reality shows abroad. Sa Re Ga Ma, Antakshari etc were more like competitions being aired on TV but Indian Idol if I am not mistaken was probably the first Indigenous reality show. Then all sorts of shows came, some of which tested talent and others things like strength, endurance and tolerance.
The newest biggie on the idiot box is the Indian version of Fear Factor called "Khataron Ke Khiladi" airing on "Colors" and featuring none other then bollywood's original Khiladi - Akshay Kumar, as the anchor. The show which started with 13 glam dolls of TV, cinema and modeling fields had created waves even before it saw light. The show has lived up to the hype and the expectations.
The stunts in the show are of the highest standards and indeed very very scary. The glam girls too have caught eyes with their gutsy acts. Yana Gupta and Netra Raghuraman have looked like perfect army material. The biggest disappointment has been the attitude of Vidya Malwade, who played the role of "Vidya Sharma", the Indian women's hockey team captain in "Chak de India". She looked an absolute coward denying attempting two tasks and ended up being kicked out on the second occasion. She did everything possible to rubbish the image she had after "Chak de...", at least in the eyes of those who watched those episodes of "Khatron ke...".
The show has thus far looked very impressive with different stunts requiring contestants to climb very high, dive in cold water, handling snakes, burying the face in insect dunes etc. The extremely beautiful contestants have pleased the eyes and bagged applauses displaying great courage.

IPL: Food for thought

There has been hue and cry about the auction of players at the Indian Premier League. People have gone as far as labeling it as the auction of the game.
But what one needs to understand is that this world works on the principle of demand and supply and the bid prices of players went in proportion with the number of franchisee owners having them in their wish list.
The thing that needs to be understood here that the soul of the game lies in nation versus nation ties and nothing can arouse sentiments higher. More money the BCCI is able to generate through IPL, stronger will be the infrastructure and thus the whole system will get better.
The stadiums that have been selected for IPL matches are going under a huge make over with the currency coming in through IPL.
Another argument thats been brewed is that the youngsters will opt the T20 style and will aim to play only in IPL because of big money. But here again one has to be reminded that IPL teams in all will pick up around 80 players from domestic and under 19 circuit. And these will be the players who are performing well at international or domestic level. So there's no question of cricketers not playing for their state or country and playing for IPL.
Still there may be problems but one has rise higher to touch the clouds. Lets hope that this Kerry Packer Part 2 movie gets public vote as well as critical acclaim.